Welcome Player!
This topic can go in two directions: when to give up on a lead (a girl you approached and gave you her number but it’s making it difficult to get a date) and when to give up on a girl who you wanted to be in a relationship with but never got to. In this post we’ll explore the second scenario since a post on the first scenario was already written here
For clarification purposes, this post will look into the scenario where you like a girl and would like to try something serious (girlfriend material) but for one reason or another you haven’t yet and it’s already been months or years since you first met her. It could be that you had a girlfriend and now you’re single, she had a boyfriend and now she’s single, you lived in different countries, or you simply chickened out at every opportunity up until today.
We’ll look into when it’s still appropriate to consider her as an option and when it’s time to give up on her and move on.
First of all, inner game
Being in this situation is not ideal. It means you have slight symptoms of oneitis and need to take preventive medicine so it doesn’t develop into full-fledged oneitis. I recommend you start talking with more girls right now so you don’t ooze neediness. Either get some numbers via daygame or if you’re in a pinch get some matches in tinder. This way your brain knows you’ve got options no matter what happens next.
First filter: Age
We’re trying to determine if you should still consider a girl as a possible candidate for the girlfriend position and age is the first filter. In my opinion, you (being a reader of this blog and not an average frustrated chump) shouldn’t consider girls that are in their late 20s or older.
By this age girls already shot their shots trying to get the best man they could possibly get. Either they succeeded and are married, engaged or in a committed relationship with him, or failed and already have their backup plan lined up (the best out of her orbiters). If you never had a relationship with her before (or at least had sex with her) and only now she’s suddenly interested in you, by definition you’re the orbiter she chose to settle down for. Don’t fall for this trap, she’s not into you, she’s just scared of getting old and “failing at life” and becoming a cat lady spinster; a marriage with a dead bedroom awaits after having 1 or 2 children.
Go for girls in their early or mid 20s (max) with lots of fertile years ahead of them.
All of this is my advice and you’re free to choose to ignore it if you believe you found a girl who is an exception, but if you do I recommend that at least you do it for a girl who was into you since she was in her late teens or early 20s, for example if she was your high school/college sweetheart but then you moved to another country and now came back.
Note: this advice is for guys younger than 35, I don’t know how things work after that since I’m currently in my late 20s.
Another note: I’m assuming this girl is at least a 7. We define 7s as girls you think are universally cute, as in no one would reasonably tell you she’s ugly or fat.
Second filter: Sexual History
The second filter is who has she been with until now.
If she’s an ex of one of your close friends or had sex with one of them, you give up on her. Otherwise you’ll always know, one of your friends saw the mother of your children naked and she felt genuine desire for him. Again, you’re free to ignore the advice but I would always feel uneasy knowing that.
This means that if she’s been single until now and suddenly she starts a relationship with a friend of yours, then it’s game over, move on.
Third (and final) filter: Her story with you
If she passed the previous two filters, she’s probably a viable option. But there’s still one more thing you should consider: what have you been doing this whole time?
As said before, if you’ve been an orbiter for years it means you formed a solid frame of “comfort” and camaraderie with her, and for some reason this makes girls think guys like this don’t have a dick. Weird, but it is what it is.
So it’ll probably shock her when she finds out you DO have a dick. This is an incredibly tricky spot to be in, I recommend going for new girls, but you’re the one that has the final say.
If on the other hand you built a solid frame of attraction, meaning that you’ve been banging her this whole time or did in the past, it means you’re in a good spot. She’s young, not a whore, attractive and you built the right foundations. If she arrived to this point, in my opinion she’s still a viable candidate for the girlfriend position.
Now just crosscheck everything with the lists of green flags and red flags in “The Art of Building Highly Addictive Relationships” and you’re good to go.
New readers: My first book, “The Game of Casual Dating” is a guide that will teach you how to go from getting 0 girls to meeting, dating and sleeping with girls you find attractive by building a solid foundation of social skills. No rehearsed lines, no deceiving, no sketchy tricks. Just pure skill and female psychology knowledge. You can buy it Here. My second book, “The Art of Building Highly Addictive Relationships” is a guide that will teach you which girls are worth keeping around and how to build relationships with them in which they can’t get enough of you. You can buy it Here.
Photo Credits: Sigmund