Most guys have asked their female friends for dating advice. Makes sense, right? get the information straight from the horse’s mouth.
What most don’t consider though, is that women have a reputation to maintain, so everything they tell you gets filtered to a socially acceptable level. Additionally, most women like to keep their options open: close enough that you two keep bonding over the years but distant enough that you won’t make a move. She never knows when she may need a new boyfriend, and it can’t be you if you’re sleeping with girls left and right thanks to your great understanding of women provided by her.
So what do you do when your best source of information turns out to be intentionally misleading you? Well, when you want to catch fish, you don’t ask the fish how to do it. You ask the fisherman.
The 4 bases
The 4 baseball bases are usually used to describe sexual progress with a new girl (1st – Kiss, 2nd – Touch everything with clothes on, 3rd – Blowjob, 4th – Sex), but for all intents and purposes of this post, let’s use this 4 bases analogy to explain the different parts you need to understand in order to date someone worth your time:
- 1st base: Build Value
- 2nd base: Build a Sexual Pipeline
- 3rd base: Understand Sexual Polarity
- 4th base: Emotional connection
Women experience love differently than men. They are born with inherent value, in sexual abundance and with an innate understanding of sexual polarity. They are born on third base, and will never have to experience the burden of performance. That’s why “Just be yourself” is the most common piece of advice you will hear from a girl.
You, on the other hand, are born on home, so let’s get started building your value in order to get you to 1st base.
1st base: Build Value
What do women perceive as high value? What traits should you have in order to be perceived as a high value man?
Excitement: You enjoy the present moment and are generally a happy person who has a life that doesn’t revolve around her. A good one. You’ve got a mission, interesting hobbies, a sense of humor and are always up for an adventure.
Security: You’ve got money to spend today and you have a good career & are focused on building additional income streams so you can provide a good life for your future family if you decide to have one. You have an emergency fund of 1 year of living expenses so that you can face any real life hardships with ease. You’re in shape – if someone gets aggressive, you can protect your girl and hold your ground.
If you’re exciting and convey you have your shit together (security), you most likely have a ton of people wanting to hang out with you, which is something girls perceive as high social status.
Notice that nowhere around here says “being nice”. Being a good person is good for your soul, but when it comes to dating, it is largely irrelevant if you are failling in these other areas. Just like a woman who has a good career but she’s an overweight slut with anger management issues. A cool extra, but will never make up for the flaws.
Note: If you’re serious about building up your value, you should read Live Intentionally: Discipline, Mindset, Direction – A 90 Day Self-Project. It teaches you exactly how to weed out your bad habits, give your life direction and become the best version of yourself. I’m in day 36 and have never felt healthier.
2nd base: Build a Sexual Pipeline
Confidence to walk away from bad deals steam from having other options. 1st base is how good your product is, and 2nd base is how many sales you actually make.
This is where game comes into play, you want to be able to talk to any girl you find attractive and that only comes through practice. At first it’s all a numbers game, and you’ll get rejected a lot.
Don’t measure yourself by how many times you get rejected, instead focus on what you can actually control: whether you talk to the girl (success) or you do nothing (failure). Whether she accepts your offer or not is up to her, making the offer is up to you.
Eventually you’ll go from zero to one, and that win will help you get your second win, and so on and so on. Dating multiple girls simultaneously will help you become less needy to each one because you won’t have time and you always have backup plans. You want to enter the world of sexual abundance girls live in by default.
3rd base: Understand Sexual Polarity
Men and Women are different, and a good place to learn about those differences is the red pill subreddit.
The thing about the red pill subreddit is that it gets a bad rep as “Misogynistic”. Men who actually hate women hear about this and think it is a community for them, so you see the ocassional hate post.
But that is not what the red pill is about at all. It’s not about hating women, but rather about understanding the true nature of women so that you can make informed decisions, and love them for what they are, not for the ideal they present to you.
One piece of advice: when navigating the red pill materials, don’t get hung up on the divorced guys creepypastas. They’re way too abundant and it’s easy to become bitter if you keep reading them.
Alternatively, a concise guide to the red pill philosophy, is Rollo Tomassi’s book “The Rational Male”. All 3 of his books are good, but I would say the first one is the most useful when it comes to understanding sexual polarity.
4th base: Emotional Connection
Women want Men that make them feel something. Anything. Love and Hate are not opposites, they’re two sides of the same emotion, and the opposite is indiference.
Ideally you make your girl feel positive emotions, the kind of emotions that make you feel alive, but be aware that many men induce negative emotions, the kind of emotions that break girls down. Unfortunately, they have the same effect as the positive ones on girls.
In either case, what the girl wants is a high value man’s attention. To feel special to him. She knows she’s not the hottest girl in the world, but she wants to feel that “there’s something about her” that makes you want to keep her around despite hotter girls showing up trying to take you from her.
A good way to make her feel special is by “Snowflaking” her, a term I learned from Rivelino. If you want to go deeper, you should follow him. I have learnt a lot from him as he consistently gives great advice on twitter.
The idea of “Snowflaking” consists in letting the girl know the qualities you like about her and how they make you feel. This way she’ll feel special to you and you have put into words the things that you find attractive in her.
New Readers: If you’re just starting your journey, you should read Live Intentionally: Discipline, Mindset, Direction – A 90 Day Self-Project. The basis of attracting beautiful women is becoming a high value man and you can’t become one if you’re full of bad habits. Live Intentionally teaches you exactly how to weed them out and become the best version of yourself. This is the first step towards a life of abundance, your foundation.
Photo Credits: Antoine Schibler