One of the most common issues guys reach to me about is approach anxiety. We’ll look into how to move past it in this post.
Quick recap on how you get a date with a pretty girl: you go out, approach a girl you would like to ask out, start talking, have a good time and loosely propose a plan for the weekend, exchange numbers.
That’s it, don’t overcomplicate things.
Now, most guys get stuck in step #2: approach a girl. How do we move past this step?
Where we want to go
First let’s see our ideal destination. We want to get to step #3: start talking and in case things go south with that particular girl, be able to quickly get to step #3 again with another girl. Ideally without feeling down about the rejection and actually enjoying the process.
A youtube channel I loved called “SimplePickup” called this “God Mode” because they argued being in this state is similar to being in a shooter videogame with infinite ammo and infinite health, you quite literally can do whatever you want without any worries in the world while you’re in God Mode.
That’s our goal: getting into the zone and *enjoy* talking to girls, both when it goes well and when it goes badly, that’s how we quickly get to step #3 with multiple girls and maximize shots taken. Borrowing the term from SimplePickup, we’ll call that state God Mode too.
How do we get there
Before heading out, you need to do some prep work. If you are used to working out in the morning you can skip this part, but if not I recommend you meditate for 5-10 min and then stretch a bit. Head out somewhere you can talk to girls naturally like a coffee shop, a park, downtown, a college campus, a mall, etc. while listening to music that puts you in an energetic mood.
Although you just did some pre-warmup, now we’re gonna do the real warmup. This is even more important for introverts. We’re gonna talk with 2-3 easy targets, say an old guy for 5 minutes, then a fat chick for another 5 minutes. This is similar to doing a warmup in the gym with the bar but no weight, you’re lowering the difficulty level to the minimum but still doing the thing you’re supposed to be doing.
Be careful about doing this in the night though, I tried it once in a bar that said “$2 margaritas! all night” and ended up in a conversation I couldn’t get out of with a very persistent boomer. So rule of thumb: since nightgame is much faster and sexual-oriented than daygame, during the night always do your warmup with girls you’re attracted to, if you don’t feel ready then keep building immunity to rejection during the day.
Back to the process. Talking with people you’re not attracted to is simply being social, get this mindset and it’ll be easier to approach them, you’re just having a good time.
After doing your warmup (you can skip it in the future if you feel like you don’t need it) you’re gonna talk to one girl you’re attracted to. And you’re gonna have this mindset: “She’s gonna reject me and it’ll be hilarious”.
This is an important step in achieving God Mode, you gotta be able to adopt a learner’s mindset (I will learn from my mistakes, mistakes are part of the process) and to laugh at yourself (let’s be honest, seeing a guy get rejected as a third party is funny when done in good camaraderie, obviously not in a mocking attitude).
If for some reason you’re still full of approach anxiety and can’t approach the first cute girl (meaning you’re stuck in step #2) bring a wingman and make a pact that if you said you were gonna approach and then you don’t do it, you’ll have to do 15 pushups right then and there (in public). This sounds silly but it 100% works. I’ve been forced to do pushups outside of concert halls, in campus, in a park and it was quite embarrassing at the time, but just after finishing you realize: wait, I just did one of the most embarrassing things I could do out here, talking to some girl I don’t know is nothing in comparison. Trust me on this part.
Remember to keep that attitude of “She’s gonna reject me and it’s gonna be hilarious”. You’re supposed to be having fun. After a few rejections you’ll notice you are in God Mode, having a great time and not caring about rejections.
Just remember God Mode is temporary and it’ll fade off once you stop approaching, so next time you’ll have to get in the mood again. Not to worry, over time you’ll internalize most parts and you’ll achieve rejection immunity.
The book I recommend you this week is “The 80/20 Principle: The Secret to Achieving More with Less” in this case, the warm up and being able to laugh at your own rejections are definitely the small things that have a huge impact.
New readers:
My first book, “The Game of Casual Dating” is a guide that will teach you how to go from getting 0 girls to meeting, dating and sleeping with girls you find attractive by building a solid foundation of social skills. No rehearsed lines, no deceiving, no sketchy tricks. Just pure skill and female psychology knowledge. You can buy it Here.
My second book, “The Art of Building Highly Addictive Relationships” is a guide that will teach you which girls are worth keeping around and how to build relationships with them in which they can’t get enough of you. You can buy it Here.
“Introvert Game” is a guide that will help you attain a deeper understanding of your personality as an introvert and figuring out how to seduce women by playing to your strengths rather than trying to swim upstream using guides designed for extroverts. You can buy it Here.
Photo Credits: Christopher Ott