One of the first things guys hear when they start learning how to attract girls is “Girls get bored easily. You can be mean, rude, absent, but you can’t be boring or else she’s gonna walk out on you.”
It is true. We are not entertainers, and we certainly don’t do things for the explicit purpose of impressing girls, but we can be intriguing by pursuing things we are genuinely curious about in a better way.
So in this post we’ll look into how to reframe three areas of your life so you become more interesting: Money, Health and Hobbies.
Eliminate liabilities: if you’re broke, you shouldn’t be dating. You should be putting in effort from all angles to get into a situation where you’re in an “upward spiral”. Pay off any and all debt, get an emergency fund of 1 year (or 3 months at least and that’s pushing it). With this out of the way you won’t be cheap on dates and you won’t have “bad” stress (which makes you seem boring, someone who worries about how they’ll pay the rent can’t think in partying)
Make it interesting: Talking about your job is not interesting at all *unless* you reframe it as a mission. One example of this could be a vet who rescues dogs in his free time. See how different these two sound: “I’m a vet” vs “I’m building a dog sanctuary. I rescue dogs from the street and take care of them. I became a vet so I could cure the ones I found in bad shape.”
The first guy sounds like he went to college and then became an employee. The best he can come with would be something like “oh I pet the dogs that are cute whenever I have free time”. It sounds like this is his particular flavor of life and that’s it, that’s his final adult form.
The second guy sounds like he’s in charge of his destiny and is a light of hope for stray dogs around the world. He may be an employee getting coffee for the other vets but he doesn’t sound like this at all. Even if he confirms he’s a recent hire with zero experience, you can imagine he will get experience somehow and move up in life eventually: he has a future. This is what you want, to be seen as a guy who is in a good spot right now but also has room to grow, because walking that path is interesting. You don’t want to be seen as a guy who already peaked, specially if that peak is not impressive.
Eliminate liabilities: if you’re overweight, you’re gonna be seen as boring. A round face and man boobs don’t seem threatening unless you’re a piece of cake. I don’t make the rules, so fix that if you’re in that situation. On the other side, if you’re a fitness nut just don’t talk about it, nobody cares about your macros or your reps unless they ask you. Also sleep 8 hours, meditate 10 min daily and eat right, otherwise you’ll get that overworked look, which is very low status.
Make it interesting: Dressing well with a good physique is interesting enough, specially if you got the money part figured out because many men who focus on making money let go of themselves. Additionally, I recommend you get Audible so you can read books while working out, instead of just listening to music. I have read over 60 books in the past 4 years by using this method, which gives me good insights and conversation topics.
The next level would be getting into a hobby to do something with that physique, like learning how to fight (don’t go into karate or similar, go into boxing) or into team sports like basketball, this is a good way to connect with other men.
Instead of being just another fat guy watching athletes kick a ball, or beating each other up with their fists, you’ll be a practitioner, and that’s interesting because you got insight. Personally, I don’t find watching professional sports interesting, so I got into the habit of betting on boxing matches or football/basketball games to make it interesting for me. That gives you a good excuse to invite people over or can be a good way to create an interesting dynamic with a girl: the girl could be on your side and both get excited if your side wins (you win the bet and hence $$$) or you can tease each other if you’re on opposite sides.
Outside of money and health, what makes your life interesting to girls are hobbies. Many guys have boring jobs like updating excel sheets 40 hours a week that they work in order to fund their other interests, so their hobbies are what constitute the majority of their frame. Some guys may be into chess and win local tournaments, others may be into Harley Davidson motorcycles and drive to Milwaukee every 4 years, others may play guitar and be excited about their first gig.
I suggest you have three hobbies:
- Warrior: This is sports. A hobby that keeps you fit will prevent you from gaining tons of weight overnight, which becomes an issue after 30. As discussed earlier in the health section, one approach you can take here is having a group of male friends, for this you could get into Basketball, Hockey, Baseball, etc. A different approach could be learning how to fight, by getting into Boxing. How do you make this interesting? you can attend tournaments as a spectator and bring girls with you. In there, you are the expert explaining her how things work. Uploading pictures or stories to IG of you enjoying the sport is also interesting.
- Magician: This is something creative. One approach you could take here is doing something on stage, like playing the guitar or stand up comedy. This will help you become more of an extrovert (if you’re an introvert, this would be like learning how to put on an extrovert mask to serve your purposes and be able to take it off whenever you want). A different approach could be doing something in private like art. How do you make it interesting? share it! art in all of its forms is enjoyed because we make interpretations of the art itself but also of the artist. If you get into a particular style of art like urban sketching, it means you’re continually traveling or exploring different scenarios of your city, so share that too via IG stories. Always remember the process is as interesting as the end result, if not more.
- Lover: This is social skills. I consider daygame/pickup a hobby, since I’m in my 20s and not looking for a wife right now. I want to date tons of different girls first because it’s fun but also in order to understand what I actually want in a girl long-term. Besides, the more game and experience I have, the higher-quality of a girl I will marry. An additional benefit is that pickup shares a lot of lessons with sales. If you can approach a hot girl on the street, you won’t have any issues cold calling businesses to pitch your product. How to make this interesting? being confident, popular and able to grow a great social circle is interesting enough!
Why do hobbies have this structure? the warrior, magician and lover are archetypes of men. The warrior is a courageous character, but not necessarily smart or smooth with the ladies, think of a spartan. A magician is a guy who can do things other men can’t do, but then again, not necessarily manly, like a stereotypical programmer who is overweight, soy and virgin. And the lover is someone smooth with the ladies, but may be broke and can’t fight.
It is my opinion that hobbies should be done for enjoyment but also as a way to grow in areas that your 9-5 or going to the gym may not be able to help develop, hence with this structure you can develop all three archetypes. The guy who is good at all three areas is the fourth archetype: the king.
New Readers: my eBook “The Game of Casual Dating: Social Skills to Meet and Date Beautiful Women” is a guide that will teach you how to go from getting 0 girls to meeting, dating and sleeping with girls you find attractive by building a solid foundation of social skills. No rehearsed lines, no deceiving, no sketchy tricks. Just pure skill and female psychology knowledge.
Photo Credits: Sasha Freemind