How to have a successful first date
The first date is where you try to build rapport a girl. Depending on how much rapport you’re able to build during this time is the outcome you’ll get: no more dates, excited for a second date or straight up take her back to your apartment.
In this post we’ll look into how to build max rapport during your first date
Prevent Flakes
Since you’re basically a stranger to the girl you’re meeting up with, it’s not a big deal for her to lead you on and then cancel at the last minute if something else comes up (flaking). In order to minimize the chances of your story with this girl ending before it even starts, you want to build enough rapport with her when you initially meet her or when you’re seting up the date that she thinks “a date with this guy feels like it’s gonna be so much fun”.
If you meet her via daygame, just approaching her to tell her she’s pretty, 1-2 jokes and then going for the number is NOT a meaningful interaction. Ideally you want to keep talking up to a point where there is clear rapport between you two (jokes and teases effortlessly going back and forth), get the number and then leave on a high note.
Alternatively, if you meet her online I recommend you get her off the app ASAP (to whatsapp, snapchat, whatever you use) and have a phone call. The idea here is the same: build rapport (speaking confidently, joking and teasing) and leave on a high note.
You prevent flakes from happening by setting up the date in a way that she won’t want to miss it.
Once you’re in the date
Once you’re in the date the game begins.
Rapport with a girl is divided in two: excitement and comfort. The ideal point is where she’s excited enough to want to have sex with you and comfortable enough that she knows nothing bad will happen to her if she goes home with you.
You need to balance these two out, too much excitement scares girls (think a tattoo’d ex-con in a motorcycle) and too much comfort bores them (think of a skinny momma’s boy wanting to show you his ant collection), so we’ll look into how to increase both in a way that benefits you.
Excitement comes first, and this is because you want to set the frame that you are an alpha. Let us remember that an alpha is a male who is seduction oriented, while a beta is a male who is commitment oriented. Nothing more, nothing less. You don’t want her to see you as a beta during the first date because a man who gives out his commitment easily is like a woman who gives out sex easily: suspicious and low value.
The good part is that if you followed the steps in the previous section (preventing flakes) you’re already coming off as an exciting guy. We’re off to a good start.
Shuffling
Shuffling is a simple comfort-building technique that consists in taking the girl to multiple locations during the date. If you take a girl bowling, then to dinner and then for a walk in the park, in her mind she has already seen you in 3 different places. Her brain tricks her into believing that she has known you for more time than she actually has, hence she feels comfortable with you.
I suggest you take her to places you’ve already been to (ideally that she hasn’t). This makes you be more confident by default because it turns you into the “guide”. You already went bowling once, you know the drill. She hasn’t, you have to explain to her what’s going on. By guiding her, you’re building comfort too.
Physical escalation
Building comfort is good, but it’s not everything. The other half of a successful date is increasing excitement and this is done by taking risks.
Teasing her is one example of a risk that if it goes well will have her laughing while demonstrating you’re not afraid of her. This alone is enough to separate you from guys who are too afraid of offending her (automatically labeling themselves as lower value than her).
At some point though, you have to physically touch her. Otherwise she’ll think you’re not interested in her. You can start small touching her in innocent places like her shoulder, forearm or her back, but you should progressively move forward. Of course, if you trigger reactance in her (pushing back because she’s feeling pushed into doing something), go back a few steps, build more comfort and try again.
One of the biggest milestones is grabbing her hand. You can simply do this over dinner while talking but I usually do it while we’re about to cross a street walking or while showing her some salsa dance moves (highly suggest you learn how to dance). Once you grab her hand simply don’t let go and she’ll get the message that you are interested and things are moving forward.
A fun way to initiate physical touch is by playing thumb wars, reading her palm or doing some magic trick that involves her hands.
Go for the kiss?
I suggest you go for the kiss shortly after grabbing her hand.
If you were playing thumb wars to grab her hand, you can always let her win, don’t let go of her hand, start teasing her about how she’s “such a cheater” while you get her closer and closer until going for the kiss is inevitable.
You can also show her a few dance moves and get her close after doing a spin. None of this is required of course, but it makes things flow more naturally. In a way, we men “make magic” while girls only experience it.
If she rejects the kiss, you got two more opportunities. Go back a few steps, build more comfort + excitement and try again. 1 No = “I don’t wanna look like a slut”, 2 No = “You’re not doing a very good job”, 3 No = “NO”.
Concluding thoughts
Of course, you don’t HAVE to touch her or go for the kiss on the first date, but do make a move in the first 3 dates, otherwise as said before she’ll just think you’re not interested. Preferably try something in the first date, even if it doesn’t work, just to make your intentions clear. if she accepts a second date, she’ll expect you to make a move.
If you have cleared both milestones (grabbing her hand and kissing her), and try to take her back home but she rejects the invitation, it’s probably a comfort issue. I suggest you take her to a “bridge date”, that is, a shorter date between dates, for example if your first date was on thursday and the second date will be next thursday, you can take her to her favorite coffee shop on tuesday during the day so she feels more comfortable with you, since she has now seen you in a location she’s familiar with.
New readers:
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Photo Credits: Priscilla Du Preez