Temporary girlfriends are girls who seem promising when you meet them, but after an extensive vetting process you determine they are not wife material.
Except by the cases where guys marry their first girlfriend, most of us have had temporary girlfriends even if the vetting process was not intentional. The vetting process itself is an interesting topic that I’ll leave for another post, in this one I’ll talk about the hidden benefits of having several girlfriends over a long-time horizon, who you end up breaking up with.
These experiences may seem sad or like a waste of time for some, but I would argue that each relationship helps you in some way or another if you know how to get the most out of the experience.
One of the things I like most from Jordan Peterson is the idea that our individual story is composed by the overcoming of our limitations and that this is what makes life interesting. The example he uses is superman: the guy can do literally anything, he never tires, and no one can stand in his way, in short – he has no limitations. That’s what makes the character so boring. In contrast, think about Spiderman: he gives one small misstep and loses his uncle, so he learns he has to act the right way even if nobody is watching. He then has to choose between duty and love, chooses love and New York goes to shit, chooses duty and he loses the people he loves. He’s in a constant state of making decisions, learning from mistakes and becoming a better version of himself after each challenge, that’s what makes the character so interesting.
Based on this idea, it seems to me that every relationship I’ve had has helped me explore a different part of my personality:
- Before my first girlfriend, I had always doubted if there was something inherently wrong with me that made me unlikeable/unlovable. She made me experience teen love back when I was 16 and confirmed there wasn’t something inherently wrong with me, I just sucked at the game back then, but when I found a girl I liked and shot my shot, everything turned out fine.
- Since I moved from city to city a few times during my childhood because of my dad’s job, and later in my early 20s due to my own job, I never felt a strong connection with what I consider my hometown. I felt like a nowhere man. My second girlfriend was a historian and a history teacher and was born and raised in my hometown. She helped me understand this city’s origins and story, that was kinda the topic of our relationship: “you’re not a real (citizen of this city) until you’ve done X thing!”. So we set out to do all of those things, and I ended up forming a strong bond and affection with my city.
- My third girlfriend helped me develop my leadership skills. Before her, I wasn’t dominant nor dared tell a girl what to do, what I wanted from her or what I was expecting from her. Moreover, I was terribly indecisive and having a girlfriend that depended on me for a lot of things helped me develop that dominant side of me.
As you can see, my ex girlfriends and I hold no grudges over breaking up. I can safely say that I’ve been lucky enough to have had only real ladies (not whores) as my girlfriends. They arrived into my life at random moments tbh, but each one of them helped me become a better version of me.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that every girlfriend is more compatible than the previous one: they all share similar traits that I like, even though they have very different personalities and each one brings to the table new traits that I haven’t experienced before, this way I’m learning about which traits are compatible with me, my lifestyle and my taste and which ones are not. With girls on rotation I usually don’t get to form deep bonds nor spend enough time with them to really get to know them, it’s about the fun only, and many times everything is very repetitive.
The last benefit I have noticed is that girls that you spend a lot of time with tend to make you think about the future, as in, with them. Do you see yourself forming a family? if so, do you see her as the mother of your children? or do you see yourself living the playboy life foerever? There are no right answers, it’s all your own preference!
Those are the hidden benefits of temporary girlfriends: development of your personality, better understanding of your tastes and deciding on your future.
I welcome this experiences since I think they enrich my life and the lives of my girlfriends. If you want to experience it too, just be sure to pick a girl with lots of potential (potential meaning having lots of traits that you like), since those are the girls that will teach you the most about yourself.
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Photo Credits: Larm Rmah