The common interpretation of “unconditional love” is a person staying by your side whether you’re doing well in life or you’re going through a rough patch, but that definition is very, very wrong.
Why Unconditional Love is Toxic
Unconditional love is toxic because it lacks any kind of boundaries. It means “accepting your partner no matter what he or she does” and while in fantasy world you may hear “she’ll be there for me even if I lose”, reeeally think through what unconditional love actually means:
No non-negotiables
If you’re loving a person unconditionally, it means there are no non-negotiables. The person could be an ex-convict, have AIDS, be in crippling debt… doesn’t matter, unconditional love means UNCONDITIONAL. You can’t be kinda unconditional or almost unconditional.
This is not smart by any means. Sure, everyone deserves the opportunity to be loved, but if you played the cards you were dealt smartly, what’s the point of complicating your own life by getting attached to someone that didn’t? making life HARDER?
No Boundaries
Unconditional love also means letting your partner get away with anything.
This includes but is not limited to endless teasing, rude behavior, humiliation, verbal abuse, disrespecting your family members, physical violence, stealing.
A long time ago I saw a social experiment from a woman who stands still in the sidewalk with a bunch of stuff on the floor, she said that anyone can do anything to her and she won’t do anything about it. People started poking her, going through her purse, taking off her clothes, painting her body… it got to a point where someone aimed a gun at her.
This has a clear lesson: people naturally test your boundaries, and it’s up to you to enforce them. If you love someone unconditionally, it means there are no boundaries for him or her.
He or she can destroy you, and it won’t be anyone’s fault but your own.
No point at which you walk out
Loving someone unconditionally also means staying by their side if they’re walking through a rough patch… no matter for how long.
This means being ok with dating an alcoholic who makes no effort to drop alcohol, a degenerate gambler who shows no signs of recovery and a fatass who keeps buying junk food.
Most people stop truly destructive habits after they see the consequences of their vices. The fear of losing a loved one is one of the major forces behind wanting to get better, but if you’re gonna stick with them no matter what, they got no reason to improve.
After reading these reasons, aren’t you happy that love is conditional?
This means you are free to love someone who doesn’t complicate your life, respects you and keeps himself or herself tidy and in shape. If that stops being true, you are free to walk out and find someone else who does all of that.
New readers:
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