Why You Should Have a Player Phase
One of the best things a man can do for himself, and his future, is to have a player phase before he settles down with one girl.
A lot of people outside of this space look at anything related to pick up, seduction, basically
anything that tells men how to be better with women and get the sex and dating lives they’ve
always wanted… and they view it as being “Misogynistic”, “Harmful”, “Womanizer” or an
number of other negative descriptors.
You’ve likely heard things along the lines of,
“Those pickup guys just view women as objects. They ABUSE women”.
Speaking for myself, I never have, and never will advise guys to treat women as interchangeable commodities.
The entire point of learning game is so that you can properly connect with and vet women,
screening the ones that are good for you into your life, and screening out the ones that aren’t.
That being said, I believe whole heartedly that it’s important for men to have a period of their
life where they:
- Sleep with a lot of different women.
- Don’t get locked down with one girl.
- Explore the dating market, gaining all the skills and experience necessary to set them up for a successful future.
I call this, the “player phase”.
Unlike a lot of the old school PUAs, I don’t think this period should be something you chase
In my opinion, a man should spend a minimum of 2 years living his life this way, or if he starts
early, live this way through the lion’s share of his 20’s.
There are a lot of benefits men will get from having a player phase, some are immediately
evident, while others won’t be as obvious until much later.
Let’s explore those benefits.
You Know You’ll Never be Alone
I’m sure you have at least one friend or relative you can think of who is in a miserable
relationship or marriage, yet they stay in that living hell because they have no idea when the
next girl will come along.
They’re afraid of ending up alone.
Unfortunately, this is the reality for far more men than you realize.
Even many of the men you know who are in happy relationships still put up with things they
don’t want to, or change their life in ways they otherwise wouldn’t, because they’re afraid to
lose their girl.
How many times have you heard some cornball regurgitate the tired old,
“Happy wife, happy life” saying.
This is the battle cry of a man who never had a player phase and deep down in his soul, he
knows if she left, he would struggle to get back into the dating market.
If you have a player phase before you settle down, you’ll know damn well how to get women in the future should your relationship come to an end.
You’ll have the confidence that comes with understanding the formula for meeting, attracting,
and seducing beautiful girls.
Because of this, you’ll never be the sad sap who finds out his girl cheated on him, yet stays
because he’s afraid another girl as hot as her will never be interested in him again.
This happens far too often.
You’d be surprised how many of the guys you see with hot girls wouldn’t be able to replicate
In essence… he got lucky.
He just happened to be in the right friend group, at the right time, when the girl was single and they vibed.
A guy who’s been through a player phase knows how to meet and get with women, so he
doesn’t worry about being alone.
He has the freedom to call out bad behavior, doesn’t shy away from the tough conversations,
and isn’t afraid to make sure his needs are met.
He’s isn’t afraid to do these things because he knows if she leaves, even though it would hurt,
other women will want him and she can be replaced.
Having a player phase gives you true freedom.
You Can’t be Good in Bed Without Practice
Let’s be honest, if someone hears a guy and a girl had a lackluster sexual experience, no one
immediately jumps to,
“Oh, I bet SHE sucked in bed”.
Everyone always goes straight to thinking the guy’s stroke game is terrible.
Right or wrong, this is how it usually goes.
Sex and dating are the two things that men are expected to be good at with little to no practice.
But the truth is you NEED to practice if you want to be a stallion in bed.
I’ve slept with far more girls than the average guy, and girls always tell me I’m, “Intuitive” or
they say, “How did you know how to do that?” Especially the ones I make squirt for the first
time in their life.
It’s not that I’m a mind reader, I’ve just been with so many different kinds of girls that I have a
bag of tricks I can pull out as needed.
If something isn’t working, I just reach into my bag of tricks, pull out another, then listen to her breathing, moans, whimpers, and read her body movements and how wet she is, and I’ll know if I’m on the right track or not.
You can read 150 books on women’s sexuality but you’ll never be able to implement that
information in real time until you get first-hand experience sleeping with different types of
Some girls will cum like a fountain if you twist their nipples hard when they’re close to
For other women, playing with their nipples does absolutely nothing for them.
If you’ve slept with 3 women in your entire life, how many tricks can you actually have?
If you want your future wife to constantly gush about how incredible you are in bed, and how
you’re consistently the best sex of her life, then you damn well better have a player phase.
The Grass Isn’t Always Greener
There’s a reason the trope of, “The boss leaving his wife and kids for his hot young secretary” is so prevalent.
So many men get married to the first girl who wants to stick it out with them.
Instead of dating around, learning what they like and don’t like, exploring different kinks and
fantasies, and just experiencing what it’s like to fuck a hot girl in her sexual prime… he locks it
down with the first average girl that picks him.
This is usually because of deep a rooted lack of self-confidence.
They never experienced what it’s like to have hot girls throw pussy at them, because they never did the work to build themselves up into the kind of guy that gets that sort of attention.
Now that they’re in a leadership position, and have the paycheck/prestige that comes along
with it, all of a sudden, they’re an attractive target for the hot young girls they were never able
to get with in their younger years.
Because they never got it when they were younger, they think her pussy is some sort of magical elixir.
They end up losing their family, their house, car, half their money, as well as half their pension, all because they thought a piece of 22-year-old pussy was somehow going to change their life.
Had they experienced a true player phase in their younger years, they would be well aware that hooking up with some hot young girl is in no way worth everything they were going to lose.
If he’d had a player phase, he would have known that there was nothing special about that girl, outside of her beauty.
Her vagina would feel the same as others, she wouldn’t know any secret trick he’d never seen
before, and after he busted, she’d just be another notch on the pistol grip.
This understanding can keep you from fucking up the rest of your life.
My ex-girlfriend used to always tell me she was glad I, “Was a hoe” because she understood the principle we’re discussing in this section.
She saw girls hit on me in real time and me be totally unfazed by it.
I knew that banging this new random girl was nowhere near worth messing up the relationship I had with my girl, who was not only gorgeous, but always had my back 100%.
This is the kind of clarity you get from having a player phase.
It allows you to stop thinking with your dick, and think with your brain.
A Player Phase Gives You Choice
We sort of touched on this point earlier, but there’s a little nuance I want to discuss here.
If you had to guess, what percentage of guys do you think marry their wife simply because she’s the one girl who stuck around?
If I had to guess I’d say it’s well over 30%, at least.
I guarantee you can think of at least a few people right now who fit that description.
This is a place you never want to find yourself in.
These situations often lead to resentment because the guy ends up feeling like he settled, and
maybe he did, but that’s not his girl’s fault.
That’s how you end up in an unhappy marriage that blows up 15-20 years down the road.
Instead of going through all that pain, you could embrace the pain of improving yourself so that you can have a proper player phase, and thus, have choice.
That way, if you do decide to get married, it’s going to be a girl you REALLY wanted to be with.
You chose her out of all the other options you had because you truly loved her and she brought so much to your life.
Doesn’t this sound like a better foundation for a healthy long-term relationship than, “Well
she’s here and who knows if another will ever come along? Guess I’ll take her”
That’s how you should be making decisions when it comes to fast food restaurants at 3AM, not
Pussy Won’t Control You
I’ve seen it time and time again, guys wasting their potential because they’re always concerned with going out and trying to hook up with girls… emphasis on trying.
When you don’t have the skills to get laid, getting laid consumes your thoughts.
And it makes sense.
Your entire biological imperative is to survive long enough to fuck and pass your genes along.
That’s a pretty powerful motivator.
So, when you can’t get laid it, the thought that you need to be getting laid creeps into your
thoughts each and every day, no matter what you’re doing.
It makes it really hard to disappear for 6 months to start a business, when you have this rabid
voice in your mind telling you that if you don’t go and try to get laid RIGHT NOW, that you
might be alone forever because you missed your shot.
However, once you’ve experienced a player phase it means nothing to disappear for months
and go into monk mode, because you know that when you emerge, you can quickly and easily
go meet new women.
That primally embedded fear that you’ll be a sexless loser no longer haunts you.
You’ve experienced enough success to know that you can do it again, and that’s the key
component of this whole thing… knowing you can repeat success with girls.
It frees your mind and time to chase important things, other than girls, at other times in your
Hopefully I’ve convinced you of the merits of the player phase.
I truly believe it’s a period of time that will set a man up for success in every other aspect of his life.
Like I said early in this post, the player phase isn’t meant to be a lifelong thing.
You shouldn’t spend your entire life smashing girls at music festivals and chasing girls in bars.
Eventually, you should take all the knowledge, confidence, and charisma you’ve developed
BECAUSE of your player phase, and find a girl who improves your life so much that you keep her around, quit fucking with other girls, and have a great relationship that stands the test of time.
That’s why I call it a phase.
If you put in the work to make it happen, I think you’ll find that it ends up being one of the most rewarding things you’ll experience in your time on this planet.
Until next time,
My first book, “The Game of Casual Dating” is a guide that will teach you how to go from getting 0 girls to meeting, dating and sleeping with girls you find attractive by building a solid foundation of social skills. No rehearsed lines, no deceiving, no sketchy tricks. Just pure skill and female psychology knowledge. You can buy it Here.
My second book, “The Art of Building Highly Addictive Relationships” is a guide that will teach you which girls are worth keeping around and how to build relationships with them in which they can’t get enough of you. You can buy it Here.
My third book, “Guide to Date Latinas” will teach you how to meet, date and sleep with latinas, their psychology and specific quirks. It has all the insights you need to find latinas in your country, safely visit Latin America and relocating for the long-term if you choose to do so. You can get it Here.
“Introvert Game” is a guide that will help you attain a deeper understanding of your personality as an introvert and figuring out how to seduce women by playing to your strengths rather than trying to swim upstream using guides designed for extroverts. You can buy it Here.
If you’re ready to make a real change in your dating life, book a one-hour call with me Here